Grow As We Go

I started writing this note in Notes app on my phone around this time last year because I wanted to get back into writing blog posts. And as I wrote it, I thought it was such a great message, and I was excited to share. But as soon as I finished my last sentence, it didn’t feel right to post it. It felt like something that the Lord was teaching me over the course of the next year. And I totally forgot about it until just yesterday a Pastor from my church posted something that said “accidental love”. And the message of his post was simply just to grow in love rather than fall in love. Because a fall happens on accident. And as I read his post, I was reminded of this note that I wrote last year.

The note reads:

“Grow as we go.

Your perception of love grows as you grow.

When you're a kid you know only what you see.

You don't have the ability to have opinions about life and love yet. So your parents are ultimately your biggest example of what Love should be.

But say you come from an abusive house... where your father is hitting your mom. Or hitting you. Or yelling at your mom. And in the same day, in the same breathe, he says "I love you". That "I love you" becomes connected to abuse and love then looks like men hurting a woman. And it then looks like the woman not being able to speak up because the man is "supposed to be in control".

So you grow... you grow until your parents divorce. Love looks like something... love looks like leaving. It looks like if I, the woman, do not submit, he will leave. Love looks like not having a voice.

You keep growing, and grow to find a boy whom you have feelings for. He compliments your body, he makes jokes about sex, he's a little mean with his words. But “Wow I love him"

And this process continues. Love grows as you grow.

Then there's a man who seems perfect in every way. But as you have conversations he begins to talk about sex more. And taking advantage of you.  You then end up entangled in the bed sheets because love looks like sex with who you love. Love looked like abuse. And sex... sex looks like men being in charge and taking advantage of women. Sex looks like even if I say no, the man is in charge and he is supposed to have his way. So you are now being assaulted because love looked like something when you saw it and it wasn't right.

And then you meet a man one day, who is incredible. But he has his own scars. He shuts down when he's stressed. And he doesn't communicate his feelings. But you're doing everything you're supposed to. So you fight to make it work, because you're in love. And if you’re growing, and love looks like NOT leaving, then you certainly should stay and fix him and his broken pieces… right?

But then you learn... love is patient with your process. Love is kind with their words. Love communicates. Love listens. Love wants to see you grow and flourish and have a voice. Love wants to stick around. Love honors you and all of who you are. Love protects. Love cherishes sex and knows the weight of what waiting means.

Love protects purity.

Love grows.

And it never stops growing. When you get married, love still grows. But it grows together.”

Today it is such a sweet reminder of growth. And that who we are or who we were, is not who we are going to be. We get to learn from every heartbreak and mistake. From every time we loved and lost. We get to grow as we go, and there is so much fruit in that. In how intentional God is in our process. And how he turns every situation into something beautiful.

One day, you will find a love who is worth all of the I love you’s that you said to the wrong people. You’ll find a love who holds all of the hurting pieces and creates a safe place for them. There will be a love who doesn’t run from your triggers, but rather comforts them. And he, he will be worth the wait. - And for the men, there will be a woman who is worth the wait. All the heartbreaks and trust issues you’ve endured, there will be a woman who is ready to be loved and pursued by you. As you protect her heart and her body and hold space for her feelings, she will create space for you to be authentically you. On your best and worst days. And she is worth the wait.